My very complex opinion on Leaving Neverland after watching it twice

I hesitated sharing my thoughts on this highly controversial documentary before creating this blog for many reasons. One is that I do not fully believe the accusers, but I also do understand what a good and skilled predator can do to a young child. After studying children for over a year because of my personal job and just sheer interest, I can get a good glimpse of what abuse looks like in a child. And to be honest, it shows up differently yet similar in every child. Some are withdrawn, while some become boisterous. But there are telltales to abuse that will always be identifiable no matter what. So I looked for those when watching this doc. (And no, I’m not an expert.) I first watched this documentary in it’s entirety in September, and my emotions were rather displaced. I battled often between “oh my God, look how distraught they are” to “I can’t believe this is true. They must be making this up.”

I have started my own mini (this was supposed to be limited to a month but is still going) project to find the truth. Is Michael Jackson really a pedophile? I ask myself this question as I read article after article, request book after book to be held at my local library, and write thoughts and feelings after thoughts and feelings in my diary. For the purpose of this post, I have decided to re-watch all four hours of Leaving Neverland, so I can give a full and fresh account of what the victims had to say. However, I would be lying to you all if I told you I did just that. I watched, maybe…an hour’s worth. You know, before all the graphic parts. I did not want to relive that again. I also decided to watch the hour-long interview with Oprah Winfrey as a follow up. Taking notes along the way, I noticed that the second time around, I allowed myself to ask more questions instead of taking the slapping of emotion being thrown at me the first round. I was able to question the doc, asking, “why weren’t there any other people on Jackson’s side confirming his pedophilia included in the documentary?” “Why is it so emotionally driven?” “Why did Jackson assault these two men and not Corey Feldman, Macaulay Culkin, or Brett Barnes, who have defended him after the doc’s release?

I had already seen several rebuttals, including YouTuber (slash model!?) Pierre XO’s very emotional and logical response filled with several other rebuttals he linked in his video. “People will believe exactly what they want to believe,” he opens, perfect smokey eyes glaring into the camera. I remember being terrified to watch the videos he linked because they would knock me out of my emotionally-driven daze. But I had to remember that a journalist needs to be able to conduct objective research, thoroughly. Not just one sided or biased, since we have enough of that in mainstream journalism now. So it was up to me to explore whether Jackson was guilty or not. Would I be throwing away my copy of Moonwalk, or keeping it on my shelf for good?

And to my surprise, my investigation was and is not as cut-dry as I expected it to be. Nor did I need to throw away my copy of Moonwalk.

Released in early March 2019, Dan Reed, a British journalist famous for directing The Pedophile Hunter and Terror at the Mall, directed and produced the now very notorious doc entailing the alleged sexual abuse of Michael Jackson by Wade Robson, a famous choreographer best known for his work with Brittany Spears, and NSYNC and James Safechuck, who seems to be a regular dude who wanted to get into directing movies. Robson in 2013 filed a lawsuit against the Michael Jackson estate for $1.5 billion dollars, claiming that he was molested by Michael for seven years, starting in 1990. Safechuck later filed a lawsuit in 2014 after seeing Robson on television and realized he also was abused. Following the doc was an hour-long interview conducted by Oprah Winfrey she dubbed, After Neverland. Here, the alleged victims were asked more questions about their abuse and where they were in their process finding healing. Reed also joined them and asked a few questions. (I do have to say, Reed does very excellent work directing his docs. I’ve checked out snippets of the two above and they are remarkably done, in my opinion.)

This four-hour doc was highly emotional. The first time watching it, I was overcome by sorrow and deep hurt for these two men. I felt guilty for buying close to Jackson’s whole discography when I was sixteen. But the second time watching, I noticed that most of the pictures, documents, faxes and voice recordings they used seemed to be neutral. Many to me, were just merely pictures. I didn’t see any lewd videos and evidence of dirty faxes from Jackson at all. But from the moment the HBO logo leaves the screen, Robson’s words already make you feel a sense of guilt for buying that fresh copy of Michael Jackson: the Experience and proceeding to murder everybody afterwards–“He was one of the kindest, one of the most gentle, loving, caring people I knew. He tremendously helped me with my career, creativity, all those sort of things. And he also sexually abused me. For seven years.”

I am forever questioning the two gentlemen’s narrative of “I didn’t know it was abuse”. So…I’ll get a little candid with you. I can speak form experience, knowing that the years of emotional abuse I went through was bad. I may not have been aware it was abuse, but it made me feel bad. I wanted to get out, or away, and I did. I however didn’t know the bad feeling I was having was abuse until several months later. I thought it was interesting that Robson remarked that he didn’t feel any “negative feelings” toward the sex he was having with Jackson. Hold on, let me get the terms right—the sexual abuse that was happening. What also rubbed me the wrong way was the fact that the parents were not teaching their children about stranger danger, specifically, celebrity stranger danger. I don’t care if you’re Elvis Presley, you’re not going anywhere alone with my kid. But these parents—allegedly—let Michael be left alone with their children. But these parents, specifically the moms, let them. And it looks like they enjoyed themselves, too.

Not to sound insensitive, but I understood that they were abused. I also understood that their willingness to be absolutely raw with every detail was crucial to the doc’s atmosphere, which was supposed to be highly disturbing. But I couldn’t help but feel helpless and hopeless. And let’s not forget about the graphic details in which they described the…interactions. I’ll just call it that. My initial reaction was c’mon dudes. Y’all really had to say alladat? I felt physically uncomfortable listening to them talk openly about their alleged abuse. And while going in detail, they showed pictures of Jackson hugged up in bed and cuddled up with the men as children. Quite chilling, if you’d ask me.

Scored by Chad Hobson, he commented to Variety that he wanted “sweet and light orchestral pieces, almost pastoral” as the music idea for the doc. The music, mixed with the explicit details of these two men’s alleged abuse and the cutesy photos of usually Jackson together with both as they pose for professional photo shots, set me up to be irrational in my newfound hate for Jackson. What creeped me out was how similar their stories were. Both were…you know. Allegedly. In a similar fashion, too.

I can totally identify with why the men chose to lie about Jackson’s alleged abuse. As stated, Robson was just starting his career. He wasn’t trying to sour it already with being associated with Jackson’s mess. Safechuck wanted Jackson to “love” him again, after he was replaced by another kid. I totally get it. But I am still curious of why it took them so long to tell the truth. From my peaking in on various blogs like this one (I haven’t found any major news outlets criticizing the one-sidedness of this documentary and that also alarms me) I’ve seen something mentioning “statue of limitations” and that Robson had to wait 7 years in order to “lie” on Jackson to avoid perjury. The Michael Jackson fan in me would love for that to be true. But also during this time, Wade was in a relationship with Jackson’s niece, Brandi. (Do I really need to say her last name?) If all of this was going on during the time the two were dating, why didn’t Brandi know, since her uncle was the abuser, and her boyfriend was the victim? I am pretty sure the two had sex during their time together while they were adults. Wouldn’t she have noticed a difference in him, after knowing him for so long? And if Jackson “isolated” him off from the rest of the kids–including his family–like Robson so willingly shared in the doc, why would he introduce the two in the beginning?

I often wonder, that after this situation stops getting media attention, if there is something we can learn as a society. I recall the two allegations against Jackson for child molestation—in 1993 and in 2003. I wonder why didn’t Jackson, if he was not willing to be seen as a pedophile, continued to admit he shared his bed with children, and continued carrying around young boys as friends. Why wouldn’t he stop, and realize that he appeared strange? Why was there no one around him telling him, “Mike, you gotta stop doing this. This will make people think x about you.”?

Also, I cannot ignore the “he groomed us all” comment. As an outsider looking in, I am aware that lots of celebrities have some kind of “persona” they show the public, hiding their real, true selves. Heck, even people who aren’t celebrities do this. But, what if Jackson’s good deeds, philanthrophism, and heart-felt messages about “peace” and “love” were all mirages he threw in front of us, hoping we wouldn’t come too close to see who he really was? Both men claimed this throughout the doc and on Oprah’s interview. But then I also see footage of Robson on Jimmy Kimmel’s show claiming he was never touched by Jackson and laughing off the allegations in 2003. If he was such a good and warm person, how and why the sudden change?

I think it’s safe to say that Wade Robson and James Safechuck might be lying. But they also might be telling the truth. They might be doing this for Jackson’s estate’s money. But they also could have really been molested. Two things can be true at the same time. The parents are definitely wrong and should hold themselves accountable for what they allegedly allowed to happen to their children. There is absolutely no way for the public to know Jackson’s side of this story as he is deceased. I think we as a society like the “victim/abused” mentality because it excuses people from not being accountable for their decisions. The moms made me considerably angry; due to their hunger for fame and being starstruck, they seemed to milk their children for money, making them work hard for fame and recognition. They both seem to be heavily damaged by this decision still.

I think it’s safe to say that this documentary is not at all just a mere “detailed, four-hour study of the psychology of child sexual abuse”, as Reed likes to mention it, but a gruesome and very emotional roller-coaster ride about two men who claim they were sexually abused by one of the world’s most biggest celebrities of all time. Despite Jackson’s innocence or guilt, we as the public seem to have several assessments to make, including how we treat highly beneficial and legendary celebrities and what to do when we’re faced with reputation-damaging information. If this is who Jackson really was, how do we respond to his music, his legacy, and his impact on the industry, including the many successors that came after who claim to have pursued music solely because they saw Thriller or Jackson totally slaying it in the Bad video?

This doc was, no doubt, a whirlwind. And unfortunately, one I won’t forget any time soon. One thing I encourage before watching though—i.e. do research. For and against Jackson. As a journalist, I must be objective. It wasn’t a good idea for me to watch the documentary and automatically believe, I must be skeptical to some extent. And although I still am, and have many questions, I hope the truth comes out about what’s going on, and what really happened, behind the scenes of this four-hour, insanely edited, doc about the late, great King of Pop.

Writer’s update as of November 2022: Although my personal opinions on Michael Jackson have changed drastically since the conception of this blog post, I still am quite proud of my analysis of the documentary and in observing child sexual abuse. I believe now that there was definitely something going on, as his relationships with children were quite uncanny.

Writer’s update as of August 2023: here is my rebuttal post! (Michael is no pedophile.)