So…this topic is obviously very deep.
But as I stated before, I completely adore and cherish children. And because of this, and of course my relationship with God, I won’t back down in communicating something that is very true that a lot of people seem not to want to hear, for valid reasons: there are two genders; male and female, someone born one sex cannot become another sex based on surgeries and thought patterns, and children are too young to “decide their genders.”
Because I understand completely the thought processes behind these types of thinking, I will proceed with kindness and honesty. If this post only reaches me, and the type of girl I was (and didn’t want to be) at 14-16 years old, then so be it. In this piece, I will write about these three sections, and I will be sensitive and vulnerable, because I’ve been there.
#1: there are only two genders (sex): male and female
Like I said in the past, I work with children. I can see obvious—not just physical but also mental—differences between the two. My boys (most of them, not all) enjoy cars, throwing things, hitting each other, hitting me, and picking up objects shaped like guns and pretending they are guns. Don’t get me wrong, my girls do these things too, but usually after the boys have initiated these activities. The girls don’t naturally go towards the cars or the guns. My girls enjoy playing with the other girls, reading the boys hands, hugging and kissing each other, and nurturing and dressing the toy babies. Now, again, not all my girls do this. I see my boys kiss, lay on each other (y’all should see the pictures), hug, hold hands, and nurture babies. But they usually do these activities after they see their girl friends do them. The girls initiate their own activities, and the boys initiate their own activities.
If there were other genders or sexes, we would have surely seen them by now in our 2000 years of being human beings. But we have not, and we all know this, because we see the evidence–when a baby is born, they are born male or female. These differences are on purpose–they are not by accident or out of lack of attention. I believe that God created human beings–not us being the creators of ourselves–and he planned out what he wanted each gender to do and how he wanted us to behave and nurture the world. Women in general are seen more as caring and nurturing (and there is nothing wrong with this!) and men are seen as more rough and boisterous (and there is nothing wrong with this either!) When God created a baby boy in his mother’s womb, he did so with care, love and great thought. He did the same with the baby girl as well, no matter how he or she was conceived or formed. These are solidified in our genes; there is no changing the differences between both sexes.
#2: someone born one sex cannot become another sex based on surgeries and thought patterns
It is a huge misconception in today’s society that if you don’t like something, or if you don’t agree with something or someone, you can just remove or change it and then you will be happy. But, when you mess with something that is absolutely set in stone like gender, which is something assigned to you, mutilating your private parts and altering their physical appearance beyond repair will never make you the gender you aim to be. Human beings are very attracted to image and appearance; we simply think that looking like a woman or man defines what a woman and man are. But no, we are defined from the inside out. Because I am a woman on the inside, I have no choice but to be a woman on the outside. This is inevitable for me; nothing I do can ever change this, even if I made a decision to transition to a man. Yes I will look like a man, but I will still be a woman.
I also don’t see a lot of reports on people who regret their transition decisions and desire to de-transition: here is an article and another one, about a man named Walt Heyer who lived with the appearance of a woman for 13 years. In his article, he writes:
You will hear the media say, “Regret is rare.” But they are not reading my inbox, which is full of messages from transgender individuals who want the life and body back that was taken from them by cross-sex hormones, surgery and living under a new identity.
Walt Heyer
This one should be almost legendary as it was used by a lot of people to clown the LBGT community, but it’s clear what this very adult man was trying to communicate: “I am tired of being an adult, when I was a child, life was easier and playful, I don’t want to deal with the life I have created and am responsible for.”
Wanting to be another gender is all about a response to abuse. The thoughts were formulated during a time of rejection; like sexual, mental or physical abuse from a family member, friend, teacher, or even a stranger. These types of episodes create seeds of trauma in a person that they think about and ponder on more and more as time go on; like a child being told by her brothers and parents that she’s so “weak as a girl” or a grandmother putting a dress on a little boy and telling him he’d be ‘better as a little girl’, in Walt’s case above. Of course, not everyone who suffers abuse wants to be the opposite gender. Some of them change their sexual orientation, some of them become sex addicts. Some of them become murderers, robbers, highly abusive people themselves. The results vary in every person. But abuse is very prevalent nowadays, and is seen as acceptable (I didn’t realize I was being abused until I moved out of my home and someone told me.)
Examples of abuse are, and are definitely not limited to:
- blaming a child for how miserable the parent(s) lives are
- not feeding a child food as a form of punishing them
- calling a child mentally abusive names/words
- hitting a child excessively and without discipline
- comparing a child to another child or their friend “such and such is so much more better than you.”
These are just a few examples; and these actions have the possibility of ruining a child and the parent’s life. I never was able to build a relationship with my mother.
#3: children are too young to “decide their genders.”
There is an increasing trend arising where children are being encouraged to choose whether they want to be “girls or boys”, or any other gender. As nice and polite as this may seem on the surface, it is absolutely damaging and destructive to the child’s already designated gender that they were born with.
A child is born already knowing who they are. They naturally gravitate to the things they like, and of course, they require a lot of correction and guidance, which is the parent’s job. But as we see children are being nudged in a direction that is encouraging them to try any and everything that will damage them as young adults.
Children, especially babies, don’t have the knowledge to “choose” their gender. Children don’t really care that they are boy or girl until an adult brings this to their attention. Parents are the children’s ear and eye gates, and if the child is interacting with a thought like wanting to be a different gender, this is the responsibility of the parents (or parent) to let the child know that this thought doesn’t align with the reality that they are a girl or boy.
To me, of course, gender expression has to be defined with boundaries. Since I am a woman, (although not a very prissy one who wears high heels), I learned that there are standards (not put on me by other people but by God) based on how I should look, walk, talk and behave myself. Of course, God doesn’t care if you have one or a thousand tattoos, however you want to do your hair, or if you want to wear high-top sneakers or heels to a bar-b-que, but what he does care about is if the way you are dressing aligns with who He created you to be and if there’s a heart issue (like “I am dressing like a woman although I am a man because I really desire to be a woman and I don’t like who I am.”)
conclusion
There is a great deal of depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts that come from trying to be like the gender you are not, (I know, I’ve been there) because your body knows exactly who you are, and the more you try to hide and run from the truth, instead of facing why and how the thoughts of “I need to be another gender” are there (which is hard because you can only do so properly with very supportive people around you who are willing to tell you the absolute truth and not feel sorry for you), you end up hurting yourself a lot more than helping.
In fact, trying to be anything you’re not can make you literally go insane. I am not simply a bystander writing about things I’ve witnessed or seen one of my friends go through, I’ve lived through wanting to be a boy, wanting to be anything and anyone other than how I was born, because the parents I was born to didn’t know a lick about how to raise a beautiful baby girl. So, now as a an adult, I have to do the work they didn’t want to do, which is hard and painful, but worth it, because I am healing slowly but surely everyday, and learning how to like myself better each and everyday.
The gender dysphoria occurring all over the world with the young and old are not renown awakenings and breakthroughs in scientific and humanistic discoveries. It is a cry for help, a call for attention, it is the expression of a hurting soul who still remembers the pain of being not accepted as a young girl or boy. It is a defiant heart who is determined to attempt to erase the voices in their head yelling at them, telling them they will never be good enough, lovable, or cherished just the way they are. Whether that be introverted, quiet, corny (all three of those like me), whoever told them they were unlovable lied tremendously. I think, with the more results and stories being released discouraging getting corrective surgery and embracing a “gender-fluid” persona, we’ll see the truth beyond the huge lie–that healing comes from embracing who you are, not changing yourself and the essence of what you were created to be.
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