All my life I grew up hearing that adulthood is scary, boring, hard, increasingly depressing, and full of no life. When I turned 18, I was terrified of walking into those doors called adulthood. I did my absolute best to stay a kid as long as I could; avoiding responsibilities that should have long been mine, succumbing to not facing fears and things that terrified me, and as a result, I became stagnant. I wasn’t challenging myself to grow, and in return was doing myself a great disservice for my own life. As I began talking to very wise people in my life (like my aunt and uncle) and people who were their age who were not, I slowly but surely opened my eyes to the truth and how unequipped I was making myself.
I thought about the fact that I will be an adult longer than I will be a child and I was pretty much setting myself up for failure! As the years went on, I became more and more miserable.
That is, until now.
In this post, I want to talk about what I think adulthood is and why it’s so important to learn how to develop skills while in it and before heading to it. Now I’m no psychologist, but I can oh share my own knowledge, so here I go.
First, I’d like to share what I think adulthood is NOT.
#1. a time to play around and do whatever you want
The movies that teach this are lying. Age comes with a lot of responsibility! The things you do will come back to you and will give you real consequences. Yes, you’re old enough to manage your own money or go buy anything you want, but along with freedom comes a lot of responsibility. When I think of something like this, I think of a guy I read about a few months ago who lost his life in a car wreck because he wouldn’t listen to his parents when they told him to wear his seat belt and stop texting while driving. Choices in life are very serious and as an adult, you must learn how to always make good decisions and choices. This starts with your thoughts and habits. While there is a plethora of information out there on how to change your thought processes (not easy and will take a lot of hard work), I have benefitted from reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer and her other books on emotional health. I’ve learned and am learning a lot through her books and also taking note of the things I am regularly thinking about. (It’s not rocket science but it is tedious. It’s worth it, though!)
2#. not working hard and putting in bare minimum
I meet a lot of people (including myself in the past) who have wanted a lot without giving a lot. This is the norm today, where people are often screaming “I deserve this! I need this because I can’t do anything else!” Doing less without getting more is in the core of our culture it seems. We want everything without doing anything. Those types of people, I’ve learned, who don’t like to get up and are lazy, never get satisfaction out of life. Instead, they get disappoinment after disappointment. In order to have the best life I want, I have to study, work hard and put in the work to work toward that best life, no matter how I feel. A lot of times, I will have to sacrifice something that brought me a lot of comfort (like self-pity).
#3. comparing your life to other people’s lives
This is something I am actively learning everyday, as comparison seems to be the norm. But you will ruin all progress as a growing adult if you constantly pay attention to what other people your age are doing. Comparison stops you from being grateful for the things you already have as strengths and stops you from appreciating the people in your life. Like the quote above, comparison will steal any form of happiness you think you don’t have. The best way to block comparison is to focus solely on how you can create a better life for you and those around you. Try to let go of paying attention to other people’s mistakes and pretty much anything gossip. Be very entuned with your vulnerabilities, strengths and weaknesses, and the things you like and don’t like. Then you will be attractive to a whole different group of people who are emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy, because you are dealing head first with things that cause a lot of people pain.
how to become a better adult
In this section, I have put together four tips I am learning that are helping me navigate adulthood better. I’d love to share them with you because they really are working and I feel so proud of my decision-making skills!
One tip that is helping me manage growing into an adult is being around older wiser people who are willing to tell me the truth about life and adulthood. For me, this is my aunt and uncle. I talk to them about a lot of things and they always give me wisdom because they have lived here longer and also have “more t-shirts”, as my aunt likes to say it.
As a young child, older, wiser people guided us in learning how to eat, walk, sit, and talk properly; why did it all of a sudden become a frowned upon idea to allow older adults teach us how to better navigate life and its twists and turns? Emotional health is very important during adulthood, and we won’t be able to make good, sustainable decisions without it! We need older and more mature adults, like mentors, to teach us how to make valuable choices, ad will teach us the basics of becoming an adult. These should, of course, be our parents—and it should be something you’re gradually learning with age, but in my case, I began learning about adulthood at the age of 18.
The second tip that will help you become a better adult is to accept is that adulthood is not easy. However, it’s not too hard with help. It always seems scary and terrifying in the beginning, but as the years go by, you’ll be getting better and better with each responsibility you earn. In my case, I did not get my driver’s license at 16 like everyone else. I got my driver’s license in January 2021, at the age of 24. One thing I had that motivated me was that if I didn’t get my license on my own, without the motivation of my aunt and uncle, and a lot of talking to God before my driving exam (I’ve never in my life parallel parked), I would have never gotten it. No one just grows into 100% knowledge of a thing over time. It literally takes a lot of hard work and most times, a lot of emotions to get from one side to another in adulthood. You have to deal with your shortcomings, your fears, and yes, your weaknesses. Everything has to come into question and will be challenged when you’re an adult. But the awesome thing is that when you conquer the challenging and hard stuff, you gain so much more confidence and respect for yourself.
The third tip I have is to always be willing to grow yourself. Pretty much, get out of your comfort zone! As scary as this sounds, we were created by God to be creatures who are heavily goal-oriented. We are developmentally malfunctional if we are in our comfort zones out of fear for long periods of time. Everyday, search and run toward something everyday that scares you. Then make a decision to tackle it! It may be something like learning how to drive, going back to school, or deciding to learn how to ride a bike. Whatever it is, once you conquer it, you’ll start thinking: “Wow, what can I conquer next!?”
what are you learning to overcome during adulthood?
One thing that I am learning to accept as part of childhood is responsibility. It doesn’t feel good, but it’s not something that should be feared. I am learning that it’s a normal part of adulthood to know how to take care of yourself in all areas: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It is not normal for an adult to want someone else to take care of them in a way only themselves can. Most importantly, I’m not where I want to be, but I am not where I used to be!
Copyright © Shanedra Smith 2021. All Rights Reserved.
Shanedra Writes Too Much 